….Behind these eyes theres a dream

Right now at 11:26 am. I sit in my bed, listening to “healer” . Tears streaming down my face, something hit me. I remembered a verse in the bible that I have held onto for like 3 years.

 John 13:35 ” Your love for one another will prove to the world , you are my disciples.

I have been really dealing with alot of different  things lately. Emotions, sickness, and just flat out FIGHTING for what I know God has put on my life. I am dealing with the hurt of loosing people that I thought really cared. Friends that ended up being fake. I have learned that its not about who loves us, but about who WE take the time to love. Jesus loved even when they spit in his face, completely betrayed him, let him be abused and mis-treated.

He has been showing and teaching me lately that our life is alot like construction. I have been having to go the long way to get home because our exit is closed on the interstate.  God spoke to me yesterday as I was agrivated and being gripey about having to go the long way. I just heard him say ” Hannah , your life is alot like construction. Sometimes I have to close part of it, to make it better. To make it easier for people to access, to enlargen it for more people. Yes, its painful, sometimes agrivating and alot of times just hard. but when you see my masterpiece , it was all worth it.” But sometimes construction isn’t as succesful as they planned. It doesn’t completely fullfill the purpose they had in mind. We are like that alot of times, we have the choice to be used to the best of our ability , but sometimes we choose to do other wise. “

How are you going to use the construction that God is doing in your life?

 It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet.  A gossip goes around telling secrets,but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.- Proverbs 11:12-13

 
Dont be fake! Be a real friend, be a real leader. A leader IS NOT SOMEONE WHO ONLY SPEAKS ON STAGE, Who plans everything, who is the known person. Being a faithful leader is being a friend to the hurting, Loving until you can’t love anymore, making yourself available, not judging, but giving helpful, LOVING, advice. 

My heart and body, are in the place right now that only Gods healing power can fix it. I will not run, I will not hide, I will not stay too busy. I will rest in Gods presence. HE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME! I will sit here in his presence and let him pour his love on me, let him pull up the stuff that is painful so he can replace it with something that can be used to help other people. My stumbling blocks, can be someone elses stepping stones.

I listen to this song right now… The lyrics are

I don’t understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways 

fountains
I’m desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to YouIt’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it
You’re gonna be worth it all
I believe this

 I will hold on to this. I will fight! Fight for the people I love, the people I haven’t met yet, the kids all around the world who are all alone and hurting. I will FIGHT! But in the midst of fighting, I will not forget to Love. Jesus, Help me NEVER forget to love, even if my heart feels so  much pain. ! I thank you Jesus for the friends you have put in my life. That really care, that are true! I will praise you in the midst of this storm, because this too SHALL PASS!!!!

Sorry I haven’t blogged . I have been super busy and hit blogger block. I am back though. See blogging is kind of like therapy. I see how if I am blogging about what I am dealing with or whats going on, I am emotionally alot better. SO I am back!

So lately has been really tough… Ministry it tough. But I can tell you that it deffinately is worth it . God has really been dealing with me lately on what I am going to let bother me , what I am going to let define me, what I am going to allow to hold me back, and who I am going allow to speak into my life.

God is such an amazing God. He is never late, but he is very seldom early. I am so thankful for the people that he has put into my life. Sometimes we allow ourselves to get attached to people that we shouldn’t. We allow ourselves to look for something and believe that they are something they honestly, aren’t. God is able to change them, but its not our job to allow ourselves to get so involved. We have to stand up for what we believe in and stand our ground. We have to reach out and help, witness and love. But we aren’t expected to just throw our hearts out there over and over and over. We have to guard our hearts, while loving at the same time. God is showing me to cling to the people that he has brought into my life, that care, that are loyal, that are there no matter what. I am so thankful for those people! I am so in love with my god! He is so faithful… It blows my mind that he would care so much to make sure that  even details are taken care of in our lives. Continute to pray for me. God is stretching me, teaching me, molding me , and MAJORLY enlarging my capacity. I love you all !!!

JAMES 4:3-10
When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

 4You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely?^[a] 6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
   ”God opposes the proud
      but gives grace to the humble.”

 7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

We must remember to ask for things from God instead of from life. From life comes self-fulfillment. The more we do that the less we will seek God. How thirsty are we for Him? Thirsty enough to continue to be faithful and submissive after our feeble cries for help? Purify your heart and don’t try to build Faith on experience, but desire to reach our final goal by humbly knocking at God’s door.

This really hit home to me this morning when I recieved it in a text from Kyle. I mean we do this so much and don’t realize it. If we only knew how much God desires to answer our hearts cries, our prayers , our desires and hopes. He is always there waiting for us to get to that place where our trust is solely on him. I am learning to appreciate him for who he is, not what he can do, not what he has done. But who he is. I mean its good to appreciate him for the other things, but sometimes we focus on that more than loving him because of who he is. I hope you take time today to just spend time with him and love on him for who he is.

I love you so much!!!!

This is a text I recieved this morning. I have been really down the last few days. Not sure what it is, I think just going from the schedule I was in, to having to rest alot to get well. I have had alot of time to think, and just though alot about this year, and the people I met. The ministry I was involved in, the places I got to go. Honestly, its sad that its over. It feels like it all happened so fast. But , I know in my heart that was a closing to a chapter, and god is opening the next!! This text was the first thing I read this morning following a “Good Morning , I hope you have a great day ” It really made me think that I am not alone in this, even though I am away from all my friends, they still care. God knows what I need and he sends people my way to do it :0) .. So You know who you are and thank you for everything you do. Your so awesome!!!

Psalm 25:14-15

The Lord is a friend to those who fear him.
      He teaches them his covenant.
 My eyes are always on the Lord,
      for he rescues me from the traps of my enemies.

The sign of a true friend is not only one that confides their sorrows to us, but who will also share their secret joys. We should have that relationship with God. We should allow Him to share his joys with us. He can be an intimate friend. Its not just us talking to Him. What makes God so dear is not so much His big blessings to us, but also the tiny ones. They show his amazing intimacy over the details in our lives. Hold him in the highest honor for an everlasting friendship.

WOW! That really speaks, eh?
I love you all!

Where do I really start? Is there a justified place to begin talking about everything that happened in the 12 days , I was in Africa , laid over, then Graduation, and moving home?

Let me start with Africa!?!?
The word Africa brings tears to my eyes, but a happy feeling in my heart. To think about all the people, the children, the laughter, the tears, the hugs, the games, the food, the smell, the sound, the weather, the language, the clothes, the feet, the hands, and greatest of all the impact it had on my heart and LIFE and hopefully the impact we made on theirs.

I think back and try to narrow out “One thing I learned” , “One moment that stood out to me the most”, But I can’t. The whole trip was full of moments, I learned more in those 10 days then i think I thought I could ever learn. I had to deal with normal emotions of humans. The questions. “Why God, do you allow them to go through this? ” You can save them in a minute, why don’t you” , “Why can’t we just take them home with us, we have more than they could ever imagine”, ” WHY THEM?”, ” Why wasn’t it me?” .. But it all became clear to me one night after a long day at the carepoint, not being able to eat (food poisoning) , Weak, Tired, I was like I have to go outside and pray. I feel like I am on brain overload. I went outside and turned my IPOD on starting worshipping and praying. I got Angry, I begin saying these questions out loud, ANGER rose in my heart. Then I begin weeping and fell on my knee’s, I felt like  I heard God say.

” They are here for a reason. Nothing I do is just for fun Hannah. They have an impact to make , just like you do wherever you live. I love them just as much as I love you, I care about them just as much as I care about you. ” ” I have had mercy on them, because the people you seen are alive, they have a storie to tell. You aren’t the author and finisher of their story, I am. LOVE THEM LIKE I DO, AND DONT WORRY ABOUT CHANGING EVERYTHING, You can’t, but you can bring my love to them and then they will be able to share that with everyone around them. “

I just cried as i listened to his voice, then it all became clear. The work in Africa was going on before I got there, and it will continue when I leave. But we all have a roll to play. We have to do our part and leave the rest of it up to God. He is WELL able .

I am praying on God, where do I go next? I am pretty sure that the keyword there is “GO” , Jesus told us to GO and make disciples. I know in my heart that it isn’t the last time I’ll be in Africa and almost possitive that it WILL be the last time I’m only there for 10 days. I am going to post some pictures. I will be making a photo bucket soon to post them all. I will post it when I do.
Graduation and moving home:

We made it back to Baton Rouge, with 2 hours to spare before graduation. In the same clothes we’d been in for 4 days, (note: these weren’t washed haha).  We ran to our apartments took a shower then headed to Graduation. It was such an awesome feeling to sit back and see everyone that I had done Elevate with this year walk across that stage and graduate. But I couldn’t help but think about the few that didn’t make it. Only by God’s mercy and grace did I. But I couldn’t help but sit there and put my self in their shoes.

I’ve come to the realization that almost everything in life boils down to a choice. We have a choice. We have a choice to be committed, to be pure, to be honest, to be loving, to not quit, to be respectful to everyone around us and our authorities, EVERYTHING STARTS WITH A CHOICE.

Our choices will define our future, the good and the bad. I am so glad I made the choice to go to Baton Rouge, and do Elevate. It was so hard at times, but I had to make the choice to get up, brush myself off and keep going.  Life is always going to throw you curve balls, but you better be ready and on your toes to spin around and catch them. We are not always going too, but if we dont, we need to RUN AS FAST AS WE CAN, get the ball and throw it into home base. God is such an awesome God, he loves us so much that he gave his ONLY son for us. Imagine that… Really think about that. He had a choice to save us, or to let us stay in our OWN sin… Aren’t you glad he made the right choice.

I think back on all the choices I made this year, trust me I made alot of bad ones, but thank God for the good ones I made. I am learning more and more everyday.

To all my people in baton rouge. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! You have made an impact on my life, and It won’t be the last time I see you. I will be coming this summer to visit. I am praying for you, and want to encourage you to “KEEP GOING”… You can do it!!!!

I am home now and loving it. Its hard because I miss everyone in Baton Rouge, and my schedule that I’ve had for the last 9 months of my life is non-existent. haha. But it all boils down to the choice I have to be flexible I AM SO GLAD TO BE HOME! BUT… I miss you all!!!

Please leave me comments! BTW! I AM BACK BLOGGING
I love you all!!!!!!

Wow!
2 days left until we bored the plane to Africa! I am so excited! It really hasn’t hit us all yet. I believe when we get on the 20-something plane ride we’ll realize. This really is a dream come true for me. I have wanted to go to Africa forever. I really have been praying that my heart is prepared to take everything in , to minister until I literally have NOTHING left to give. I want to love like I have never loved before. I am so ready to see what God has for us when we get to Africa. I just pray that our teams are ready, but more than that I hope I am ready. I want to be used by God, I want to be a help, not a hinderance. I will be updating my blog while I am there as much as possible and taking pictures! Please keep us in your prayers! I LOVE YOU ALL!

This is one of the things I am going to miss about Elevate. How many people we can cram into one 7small care. For instance today , we piled 7 people in Dustin Andersons , little honda civic. Take a look at the pic!!

Lately I have been asking myself the question… Whats next?
Thats such a hard question , confusing, stressful, and time consuming. I really have felt convicted lately. Hannah Dont worry so much about the future that you are missing the now, is what I have felt God say to me over and over the last few days. I know in my heart where I am supposed to go and what I am supposed to do. If so then why am I debating and arguing with myself so much? Why am I trying to allow other peoples thoughts change that. I have to follow my heart and what God has placed in my heart. I have complete peace and joy when I think about Life Church West Monroe. I love Healing Place Church, its an awesome church and they have taught me so much. I have learned how to do so many things, that i will be able to take back to my Dad and help him at his church. But I know I am supposed to be at Life Church West Monroe. So .. Guys here it is. I AM GOING HOME … I am so happy, but so thankful for this year. God has seriously blessed me with people and allowed me to be around people that have taught me so much. THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS EXPERIENCE, BUT THANK GOD FOR ALLOWING ME TO GO HOME!!!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM